found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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