You're completely useless in the revolution.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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