We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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