Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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