I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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