Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
