Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
