Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
