Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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