dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
