I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
