He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
