i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
