hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
