"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize