there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize