He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
