i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
