remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
