dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm having to shit out rocks
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