We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
