goodnight i made you a song goodbye
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
