Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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