a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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