I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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