I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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