I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
two words...techno handjob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
