nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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