spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
