I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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