dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
