everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
