I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My brain says no but my pants say off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
