How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
