not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
