Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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