I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i drank out of a bidet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize