i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
