called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
