Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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