I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
