i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
