She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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