Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
