U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
