Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize