if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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