never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he quoted the bible to break up with me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
