hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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