I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize