when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
