cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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