do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's like heaven, but drunker
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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