Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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