Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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