i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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