When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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