did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
