and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
