I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
