The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
