Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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