Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize