The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
