My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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