just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
