Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
