Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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