maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if only i could text you this smell
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize